Leading by example


The highest point of my gal mama career

My son and I a few years ago

While I was Gyaru, I was known as a Gal Mama. During this time, I learned that you have to always look your best, and when you can’t make sure you look better than others. I know it sounds like horrible advice (especially the better than others part), but I assure you it helped me not look like a slob in the past few months. I have a few simple rules when it comes to dressing in the morning:

  1. always have your hair brushed and neat.
  2. dress as if you are going out to have fun afterwards
  3. No makeup? Hide dark circles with sunglasses
  4. the minimal amount of makeup (if you feel like wearing it) is concealer.
  5. Going full glam? become ‘photoshopped korean boyband smooth.’

During the weekday mornings, I wait out for buses with my children. My day starts at 5am so the timing doesn’t bother me as much. The first bus arrives at 7:00am for my son. We wait out there for about 10-20 minutes with the other bus riding children and their parents. Then my daughter’s bus comes for her at about 8:00am. She goes to a different school for a special autistic class. As you can see it can be a bit hectic.

During the 7am wait, I often view how the other adults look and act. As a parent you’ll find that you compare yourself to other parents often. The mothers out here dress in what’s called ‘Welfare Chic’ consisting of pajama pants and old housecoats and hoodies with barely any effort. They look like this each school day. It was very upsetting. I have to look my best when I go outside, because I have a fear of being judged and accosted.  These women just seemed to stopped caring. I know i’m not supposed to judge how women dress,  but when you are the only black woman that looks like they are making an effort, you start to feel vulnerable.

Now that was about last month or so. Recently, there’s been this weird change. Ever since the fight incident (two different links) the other mom’s are aware of me. They take note of me when my son and I arrive at the bus stop. I’d like to assume its because they know I’m associate with the other Michelle, and I don’t take shit from them. But it’s still kind of scary linking eyes with each of them and then they ignore me to talk amongst themselves. I remember on wednesday when I was in full makeup. They had a wide eye look and then promptly ignored me. A moment later the mexican mother popped out of their group to say hello, just to return back to their regular gossiping.

Usually I busy myself by having conversations with my son and checking my phone. If my son is behaving, I let him play a game on my phone. After allowing him to play once, the next day I saw a little asian girl be given a tablet to play with until the bus comes. A black mother gave her phone to her children to play with while they run around the bus stop area. They were even showing they children how to play. I noticed the shift in dynamics as my son and I approached the bus stop. There’s a clear view of everyone for about 100 feet.

Next came the dress. I wore this dress (in blue) to the bus stop. It’s beautiful and in my favorite shade of blue. I look phenomenal in it. I went to the bus stop in this dress and I can assure you that it made an impact. A couple of the black moms started coming to the bus stop fully dress and their hair done. The moms that talk the most shit posted behind the tall shrubbery where no one could see them.  This is now a daily occurrence.

I didn’t fully understand the impact of this effect until I saw my friend’s recent photo on facebook. She copied my whole look and posted a photo of in as if she always looked like that.

The way her hair was styled… The Selfie Pose… Her makeup…

Exactly. Like. Mine.

I was beside myself with glee when I saw it. “Imitation is a form of flattery,” my husband commented when I pointed it out to him. I agree. It’s nice to know that someone appreciates my effort to look my best to want to emulate it into their own style. But, that same friend then stopped speaking to me. She drifted into the associate category very quickly after that. I will be honest, I was a little heartbroken over it. Hell, I’m still heartbroken over it. One of the worst things that have happened to me is being used and thrown away by people I thought were good friends (I’m looking at you Gigi, Yumi). I thought I had learned my lesson. Oh well, there’s a reason why I don’t associate with Ghetto.

It’s funny to me because of there a subtle one upmanship going on amongst us. It has always been there, I just added another rule to the playing field.




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